Great was my joy when I believed I had proved completely to my own
satisfaction that I was not destined to go to hell. The stony,
oppressive dogmas of orthodox theology I very early explained away,
perhaps assisted in this by two circumstances. Firstly, I heard these
expressions used over and over again, from my habit of being present at
the lessons given by my father in our own house, in preparation for
confirmation. I heard them used also in all sorts of ways, so that my
mind almost unconsciously constructed some sort of explanation of them.
Secondly, I was often a mute witness of the strict way in which my
father performed his pastoral duties, and of the frequent scenes between
him and the many people who came to the parsonage to seek advice and
consolation. I was thus again constantly attracted from the outer to the
inner aspects of life. Life, with its inmost motives laid bare, passed
before my eyes, with my father's comments pronounced upon it; and thing
and word, act and symbol were thus perceived by me in their most vivid
relationship. I saw the disjointed, heavy-laden, torn, inharmonious life
of man as it appeared in this community of five thousand souls, before
the watchful eyes of its earnest, severe pastor.
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