In short, I was set down as wicked, and my father, who had not always
time to investigate the justice of the accusations against me,
remembered only the facts as they were represented to him. My neglected
childhood called forth the ridicule of others; when playing with my
step-brother, I was always, according to my mother, the cause of
anything that went wrong. As the mind of my parents turned more and more
away from me, so on my side my life became more and more separated from
theirs; and I was abandoned to the society of people who, if my
disposition had not been so thoroughly healthy, might have injured me
even more than they did. I longed to escape from this unhappy state of
things; and I considered my elder brothers fortunate in being all of
them away from home. Just at this melancholy time came home my eldest
brother. He appeared to me as an angel of deliverance, for he recognised
amidst my many faults my better nature, and protected me against
ill-treatment. He went away again after a short stay; but I felt that my
soul was linked to his, thenceforth, down to its inmost depths; and
indeed, after his death, this love of mine for him turned the whole
course of my life.
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