Through these words the inner
life of both mind and soul, of my boyhood and of my youth, was brought
before me with all its peace and blessedness; and I could not help
seeing how much that I then longed for had since come to pass. My soul,
upon this thought, regained that original inspiriting, enlightening, and
quickening unity of which I stood so much in need. But at the same time
all the resolutions of my boyhood and youth also rushed back upon me,
and made it manifest how much more had yet to happen before they, too,
were accomplished; and with them they brought the memory of those types
and ideals with which the feeble boyish imagination had sought to
strengthen itself. But my life had been far too much an inward and
strictly personal life to have been able, or even to have dared to stand
forth in any outwardly definite form, or to take any fixed relation to
other lives, except in matters of feeling and intelligence. Indeed the
power of manifesting myself properly was a very late accomplishment with
me, and was, in fact, not gained until long after the recommencement of
my present educational work.[63] I cannot now remember, during all the
time of this educational work, that my personal life stood out in any
way from the usual ordinary existence of men; but before I can speak
with certainty upon this point I must procure information as to the
circumstances of my earlier life.
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