Thither then, as the next place of my destined
work, I turned my steps. I desired also to see the Rhine and the Main,
and my birthplace as well; so I went by Dusseldorf back to Luenen, and
thence by Mainz, Frankfurt, and Rudolstadt to Berlin.
Thus I had lived through the whole campaign according to my strength,
greater or less, in a steady inner struggle towards unity and harmony
of life, but what of outward significance and worth recollection had
I received from the soldier's life? I left the army and the warlike
career with a total feeling of discontent. My inner yearning for unity
and harmony, for inward peace, was so powerful that it shaped itself
unconsciously into symbolical form and figure. In a ceaseless,
inexplicable, anxious state of longing and unrest, I had passed through
many pretty places and many gardens on my homeward way, without any of
them pleasing me. In this mood I reached F----, and entered a fairly
large and handsomely-stocked flower garden. I gazed at all the vigorous
plants and fresh gay flowers it offered me, but no flower took my fancy.
As I passed all the many varied beauties of the garden in review before
my mind, it fell upon me suddenly that I missed the lily.
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