The theoretical and philosophical courses on various
subjects did not attract me either, something about them always kept me
at a distance; and from what I heard of them amongst my fellow-students,
I could gather that here, too, all was presented in an arbitrary
fashion, unnaturally divided, cut up, so to speak, into lifeless
morsels; so that it was useless for my inner life to seek for
satisfaction in those regions of study. But as I said above, there were
some of the lectures which fostered my interest in the inner connection
of all vital phenomena, and even helped me to trace it with some
certainty in some few restricted circles.
But my financial position did not permit me to remain long at the
university; and as my studies were those which fitted the student for
practical professional life, though they were regarded from a higher
point of view by myself in the privacy of my own thoughts, I had to
return to ordinary every-day work, and use them as a means to earn my
living. Yet, though I lived the outward business life to all appearance,
it remained ever foreign to my nature; I carried my own world within
me, and it was that for which I cared and which I cherished.
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