I prayed inwardly that these deeds
of mine might never be brought to the knowledge of men who
were incapable of appreciating the high motives that led to them;
and then I sung part of the 10th Psalm, likewise in spirit; but, for
all these efforts, my sinful doubts returned, so that when my
illustrious friend joined me, and proffered me the choice of two
gilded rapiers, I declined accepting any of them, and began, in a
very bold and energetic manner, to express my doubts regarding
the justification of all the deeds of perfect men. He chided me
severely and branded me with cowardice, a thing that my nature
never was subject to; and then he branded me with falsehood and
breach of the most solemn engagements both to God and man.
I was compelled to take the rapier, much against my inclination;
but, for all the arguments, threats, and promises that he could use,
I would not consent to send a challenge to my brother by his
mouth. There was one argument only that he made use of which
had some weight with me, but yet it would not preponderate. He
told me my brother was gone to a notorious and scandalous
habitation of women, and that, if I left him to himself for ever so
short a space longer, it might embitter his state through ages to
come.
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