He confirmed all that had been stated to me;
assuring me that I had not only been assiduous in my endeavours
to seduce a young lady of great beauty, which it seemed I had
effected, but that I had taken counsel, and got this supposed, old,
false, and forged grant raked up and now signed, to ruin the
young lady's family quite, so as to throw her entirely on myself
for protection, and be wholly at my will.
This was to me wholly incomprehensible. I could have freely
made oath to the contrary of every particular. Yet the evidences
were against me, and of a nature not to be denied. Here I must
confess that, highly as I disapproved of the love of women, and
all intimacies and connections with the sex, I felt a sort of
indefinite pleasure, an ungracious delight in having a beautiful
woman solely at my disposal. But I thought of her spiritual good
in the meantime. My friend spoke of my backslidings with
concern; requesting me to make sure of my forgiveness, and to
forsake them; and then he added some words of sweet comfort.
But from this time forth I began to be sick at times of my
existence. I had heart-burnings, longings, and, yearnings that
would not be satisfied; and I seemed hardly to be an accountable
creature; being thus in the habit of executing transactions of the
utmost moment without being sensible that I did them.
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