You complain that I
have not been able to render you more happy than you were.
Alas! do you expect it in the difficult and exterminating career
which you have begun? I, however, promise you this--a portion
of the only happiness which I enjoy, sublime in its motions, and
splendid in its attainments--I will place you on the right hand of
my throne, and show you the grandeur of my domains, and the
felicity of my millions of true professors."
I was once more humbled before this mighty potentate, and
promised to be ruled wholly by his directions, although at that
moment my nature shrunk from the concessions, and my soul
longed rather to be inclosed in the deeps of the sea, or involved
once more in utter oblivion. I was like Daniel in the den of lions,
without his faith in Divine support, and wholly at their mercy. I
felt as one round whose body a deadly snake is twisted, which
continues to hold him in its fangs, without injuring him, further
than in moving its scaly infernal folds with exulting delight, to let
its victim feel to whose power he has subjected himself; and thus
did I for a space drag an existence from day to day, in utter
weariness and helplessness; at one time worshipping with great
fervour of spirit, and at other times so wholly left to myself as to
work all manner of vices and follies with greediness.
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