My vitals have all been torn, and
every faculty and feeling of my soul racked, and tormented into
callous insensibility. I was even hung by the locks over a
yawning chasm, to which I could perceive no bottom, and then--not
till then, did I repeat the tremendous prayer!--I was instantly at
liberty; and what I now am, the Almighty knows! Amen.
September 18, 1712.--Still am I living, though liker to a vision
than a human being; but this is my last day of mortal existence.
Unable to resist any longer, I pledged myself to my devoted
friend that on this day we should die together, and trust to the
charity of the children of men for a grave. I am solemnly pledged;
and, though I dared to repent, I am aware he will not be gainsaid,
for he is raging with despair at his fallen and decayed majesty,
and there is some miserable comfort in the idea that my tormentor
shall fall with me. Farewell, world, with all thy miseries; for
comforts or enjoyments hast thou none! Farewell, woman, whom
I have despised and shunned; and man, whom I have hated;
whom, nevertheless, I desire to leave in charity! And thou, sun,
bright emblem of a far brighter effulgence, I bid farewell to thee
also! I do not now take my last look of thee, for to thy glorious
orb shall a poor suicide's last earthly look be raised.
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