I suppose
you will say I did not try to assimilate, and perhaps I did not. How
could I, when to be like them was the thing I dreaded most of all? I do
believe they tried to be kind, especially your brothers, and I shall
ever be grateful to them for their attempt to please and interest me
during that dreadful winter I spent alone, with you in Washington. You
did wrong, Richard, not to take me with you, when I wanted so much to
go. I know that, after what happened, you and your mother think you were
fully justified in what you did; but, Richard, you are mistaken. The
very means you took to avert a catastrophe hastened it instead. The
cruel disappointment and terrible homesickness which I endured hastened
our baby's birth, and cost its little life. Had it lived, Richard, I
should have been a better woman from what I am now. It would have been
something for me to love, and oh, my heart did ache so for an object on
which to fasten. I did not love you when I became your wife, but I was
learning to do so. When you came home from Washington I was so glad to
see you, and I used to listen for your step when you went to Olney and
it was time for you to return.
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