In marrying Ellen he had meant to avoid a life of sin, and to take the
course he believed to be moral and right. With his antecedents and
surroundings it was the most natural thing in the world for him to
have done, yet in what a frightful position had not his morality
landed him. Could any amount of immorality have placed him in a much
worse one? What was morality worth if it was not that which on the
whole brought a man peace at the last, and could anyone have
reasonable certainty that marriage would do this? It seemed to him
that in his attempt to be moral he had been following a devil which
had disguised itself as an angel of light. But if so, what ground
was there on which a man might rest the sole of his foot and tread
in reasonable safety?
He was still too young to reach the answer, "On common sense" -an
answer which he would have felt to be unworthy of anyone who had an
ideal standard.
However this might be, it was plain that he had now done for
himself. It had been thus with him all his life. If there had come
at any time a gleam of sunshine and hope, it was to be obscured
immediately- why, prison was happier than this! There, at any rate, he
had had no money anxieties, and these were beginning to weigh upon him
now with all their horrors.
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