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Butler, Samuel

"Way Of All Flesh"

I should prescribe for Mr. Pontifex a course of the larger
mammals. Don't let him think he is taking them medicinally, but let
him go to their house twice a week for a fortnight, and stay with
the hippopotamus, the rhinoceros, and the elephants, till they begin
to bore him. I find these beasts do my patients more good than any
others. The monkeys are not a wide enough cross; they do not stimulate
sufficiently. The larger carnivora are unsympathetic. The reptiles are
worse than useless, and the marsupials are not much better. Birds
again, except parrots, are not very beneficial; he may look at them
now and again, but with the elephants and the pig tribe generally he
should mix just now as freely as possible.
"Then, you know, to prevent monotony I should send him, say, to
morning service at the Abbey before he goes. He need not stay longer
than the Te Deum. I don't know why, but Jubilates are seldom
satisfactory. Just let him look in at the Abbey, and sit quietly in
Poets' Corner till the main part of the music is over. Let him do this
two or three times, not more, before he goes to the Zoo.
"Then next day send him down to Gravesend by boat.


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