There was a very black hole yawning before him. The cumulative force
of events had made him once more profoundly uncertain. All his props
were breaking. Sometimes he wondered if the personal God of the
Christian orthodoxy was wreaking upon him some obscure vengeance for
unknown sins.
He shook himself out of this depressing bog of reflection and went to
see Archie Lawanne. Not simply for the sake of Lawanne's society,
although he valued that for itself. He had a purpose.
"That boat's due to-morrow at three o'clock," he said to Lawanne.
"Will you take my big canoe and bring Doris up the river?
"I can't," he forestalled the question he saw forming on Lawanne's
lips. "I can't meet her before that crowd--the crew and passengers,
and loggers from Carr's. I'm afraid to. Not only because of myself,
but because of what effect the shock of seeing me may have on her.
Remember that I'll be like a stranger to her. She has never seen me.
It seems absurd, but it's true. It's better that she sees me the first
time by herself, at home, instead of before a hundred curious eyes.
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