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Howells, William Dean, 1837-1920

"The Albany Depot : a Farce"

He says I've insulted his
abominable wife!"
Campbell, laughing: "O Lord! Lord! This will be the death of me!"
Mrs. Campbell: "This is one of your tricks, Willis; one of your vile
practical jokes."
Campbell: "No, no, my dear! I couldn't invent anything equal to _this_.
Oh my! oh my!"
Mrs. Campbell, seizing him by the arm: "Well, if you don't tell,
instantly, what it is--"
Campbell: "But I _can't_ tell. I promised Roberts I wouldn't."
Roberts, wildly: "Oh, tell, tell!"
Campbell: "About the cook, too, Agnes?"
Mrs. Roberts: "Yes, yes; everything! Only tell!"
Campbell, struggling to recover himself: "Why, you see, Agnes engaged
a cook, up-town--"
Mrs. Roberts: "I didn't want you to know it, Amy. I thought you would
be troubled if you knew you were coming to visit me just when I was
trying to break in a new cook, and so I told Edward not to let Willis
know. Go on, Willis."
Mrs. Campbell: "And I understand just how you felt about it, Agnes;
you knew he'd laugh. Go on, Willis."
Campbell: "And she sent her down here, and told Roberts to keep her
till she came herself."
Both Ladies: "Well?"
Campbell: "And I found poor old Roberts here, looking out for a cook
that he'd never seen before, and expecting to recognize a woman that
he'd never met in his life.


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