We had struggled to win, and I thanked God that we
had won; if death were to be the price, at all events we were at the
goal, and we both looked upon death rather as a pleasure, as affording
rest; there would be no more suffering; no fever; no long journey before
us, that in our weak state was an infliction; the only wish was to lay
down the burden.
Curious is the warfare between the animal instincts and the mind! Death
would have been a release that I would have courted, but I should have
liked that one "English beefsteak and pale ale" before I died! During
our misery of constant fever and starvation at Shooa Moru, insult had
been added to injury. There was no doubt that we had been thus deserted
by Kamrasi's orders, as every seven or eight days one of his chiefs
arrived, and told me that the king was with his army only four days'
march from me, and that he was preparing to attack Fowooka, but that he
wished me to join him, as with my fourteen guns we should win a great
victory. This treacherous conduct, after his promise to forward me
without delay to Shooa, enraged me exceedingly. We had lost the boats at
Gondokoro, and we were now nailed to the country for another year,
should we live, which was not likely; not only had the brutal king thus
deceived us, but he was deliberately starving us into conditions, his
aim being that my men should assist him against his enemy.
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