Thus was
it with me, I remember. Behold my heart, O my God, behold and see into
me; for well I remember it, O my Hope, who cleansest me from the
impurity of such affections, directing mine eyes towards Thee, and
plucking my feet out of the snare. For I wondered that others, subject
to death, did live, since he whom I loved, as if he should never
die, was dead; and I wondered yet more that myself, who was to him a
second self, could live, he being dead. Well said one of his friend,
"Thou half of my soul"; for I felt that my soul and his soul were "one
soul in two bodies": and therefore was my life a horror to me, because
I would not live halved. And therefore perchance I feared to die, lest
he whom I had much loved should die wholly.
O madness, which knowest not how to love men, like men! O foolish
man that I then was, enduring impatiently the lot of man! I fretted
then, sighed, wept, was distracted; had neither rest nor counsel.
For I bore about a shattered and bleeding soul, impatient of being
borne by me, yet where to repose it, I found not.
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