And yet, after
accusing my treachery and hardheartedness, she betook herself again to
intercede to Thee for me, went to her wonted place, and I to Rome.
And lo, there was I received by the scourge of bodily sickness,
and I was going down to hell, carrying all the sins which I had
committed, both against Thee, and myself, and others, many and
grievous, over and above that bond of original sin, whereby we all die
in Adam. For Thou hadst not forgiven me any of these things in Christ,
nor had He abolished by His Cross the enmity which by my sins I had
incurred with Thee. For how should He, by the crucifixion of a
phantasm, which I believed Him to be? So true, then, was the death
of my soul, as that of His flesh seemed to me false; and how true
the death of His body, so false was the life of my soul, which did not
believe it. And now the fever heightening, I was parting and departing
for ever. For had I then parted hence, whither had I departed, but
into fire and torments, such as my misdeeds deserved in the truth of
Thy appointment? And this she knew not, yet in absence prayed for
me.
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