But when he had subjoined also, how in the days of the
Emperor Julian a law was made, whereby Christians were forbidden to
teach the liberal sciences or oratory; and how he, obeying this law,
chose rather to give over the wordy school than Thy Word, by which
Thou makest eloquent the tongues of the dumb; he seemed to me not more
resolute than blessed, in having thus found opportunity to wait on
Thee only. Which thing I was sighing for, bound as I was, not with
another's irons, but by my own iron will. My will the enemy held,
and thence had made a chain for me, and bound me. For of a forward
will, was a lust made; and a lust served, became custom; and custom
not resisted, became necessity. By which links, as it were, joined
together (whence I called it a chain) a hard bondage held me
enthralled. But that new will which had begun to be in me, freely to
serve Thee, and to wish to enjoy Thee, O God, the only assured
pleasantness, was not yet able to overcome my former wilfulness,
strengthened by age. Thus did my two wills, one new, and the other
old, one carnal, the other spiritual, struggle within me; and by their
discord, undid my soul.
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