And I had thought that I therefore deferred from day to day to
reject the hopes of this world, and follow Thee only, because there
did not appear aught certain, whither to direct my course. And now was
the day come wherein I was to be laid bare to myself, and my
conscience was to upbraid me. "Where art thou now, my tongue? Thou
saidst that for an uncertain truth thou likedst not to cast off the
baggage of vanity; now, it is certain, and yet that burden still
oppresseth thee, while they who neither have so worn themselves out
with seeking it, nor for often years and more have been thinking
thereon, have had their shoulders lightened, and received wings to fly
away." Thus was I gnawed within, and exceedingly confounded with a
horrible shame, while Pontitianus was so speaking. And he having
brought to a close his tale and the business he came for, went his
way; and I into myself. What said I not against myself? with what
scourges of condemnation lashed I not my soul, that it might follow
me, striving to go after Thee! Yet it drew back; refused, but
excused not itself.
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