Thither had the tumult of my breast hurried me,
where no man might hinder the hot contention wherein I had engaged
with myself, until it should end as Thou knewest, I knew not. Only I
was healthfully distracted and dying, to live; knowing what evil thing
I was, and not knowing what good thing I was shortly to become. I
retired then into the garden, and Alypius, on my steps. For his
presence did not lessen my privacy; or how could he forsake me so
disturbed? We sate down as far removed as might be from the house. I
was troubled in spirit, most vehemently indignant that I entered not
into Thy will and covenant, O my God, which all my bones cried out
unto me to enter, and praised it to the skies. And therein we enter
not by ships, or chariots, or feet, no, move not so far as I had
come from the house to that place where we were sitting. For, not to
go only, but to go in thither was nothing else but to will to go,
but to will resolutely and thoroughly; not to turn and toss, this
way and that, a maimed and half-divided will, struggling, with one
part sinking as another rose.
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