Lastly, in the very fever of my irresoluteness, I made with my
body many such motions as men sometimes would, but cannot, if either
they have not the limbs, or these be bound with bands, weakened with
infirmity, or any other way hindered. Thus, if I tore my hair, beat my
forehead, if locking my fingers I clasped my knee; I willed, I did it.
But I might have willed, and not done it; if the power of motion in my
limbs had not obeyed. So many things then I did, when "to will" was
not in itself "to be able"; and I did not what both I longed
incomparably more to do, and which soon after, when I should will, I
should be able to do; because soon after, when I should will, I should
will thoroughly. For in these things the ability was one with the
will, and to will was to do; and yet was it not done: and more
easily did my body obey the weakest willing of my soul, in moving
its limbs at its nod, than the soul obeyed itself to accomplish in the
will alone this its momentous will.
Whence is this monstrousness? and to what end? Let Thy mercy gleam
that I may ask, if so be the secret penalties of men, and those
darkest pangs of the sons of Adam, may perhaps answer me.
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