And, until
evening, he went along, dazed and seized with sudden shudders whenever
he looked at the Seine. Whether in his studio or in the streets, his
dejection was the same. The following day he began again. He passed
the morning on his divan, and dragged himself along the quays in the
afternoon. This lasted for months, and might last for years.
Occasionally Laurent reflected that he had killed Camille so as to
do nothing ever afterwards, and now that he did nothing, he was quite
astonished to suffer so much. He would have liked to force himself to be
happy. He proved to his own satisfaction, that he did wrong to suffer,
that he had just attained supreme felicity, consisting in crossing his
arms, and that he was an idiot not to enjoy this bliss in peace. But his
reasoning exploded in the face of facts. He was constrained to confess,
at the bottom of his heart, that this idleness rendered his anguish
the more cruel, by leaving him every hour of his life to ponder on the
despair and deepen its incurable bitterness. Laziness, that brutish
existence which had been his dream, proved his punishment. At moments,
he ardently hoped for some occupation to draw him from his thoughts.
Pages:
284
285
286
287
288
289
290
291
292
293
294
295
296
297
298
299
300
301
302
303
304
305
306
307
308